Holidays (Draft 2)

In anticipation of this weekend’s festivities, we are drafting 44 major and not-so-major holidays, based on statistical factors that we believe assist in quantifying their subjective values. Why are we doing this? We’ll get back to you.



DRAFT METRICS.

Prior to each draft, four categories are chosen for statistical evaluation of each prospect:

1. NOTORIETY. How highly each holiday is ranked in an open forum.
Metric: (100 – The Top Tens Holiday Ranking / 10)
2. CONSENSUS. Rewarding holidays that appeared frequently in Top-5 rankings.
Metric: ((538 Holiday % / Top 538 %) *10)
3. DOMINANCE. Power ranking, by month, each holiday based on above metrics.
Metric: (Inv. Rank (Notoriety + Consensus) / # Eligible Holidays In Same Month)*10)
4. INTANGIBLES. As this process is still inherently subjective, we allow each GM to score each prospect, from 1 to 5, by whatever unfounded opinions they have formed.
Metric: (GM1 Score + GM2 Score)

The combined score from these four categories equals a Draftee’s Overall Prospect Rating (OPR), which will allow GMs to compare draftees over several dissimilar categories throughout the course of time. 



YOUR GMs.

Each draft is conducted between two teams, Team Humanity and Team Chaos.

DRAFTING ON BEHALF OF HUMANITY:
Dylan Lamb
, Founder of The Everything Draft.
Send him your thoughts.

DRAFTING ON BEHALF OF CHAOS:
W.M. Akers, Viceroy of the Past. 
Follow Strange Times, his history newsletter.


THE DRAFT.
The Holiday Draft will be performed in a classic serpentine style, with a 1221 structure for every round.

At the time of drafting, Mr. Akers actively celebrated 16 holidays on the list of eligible prospects, compared to Mr. Lamb’s 15. From this, he received the draft’s first pick.


ROUNDS 1-2

1. THANKSGIVING. 39.1 OPR.
Will:
At its best, Thanksgiving is a perfect holiday: all about eating, hanging out with people you love, and also eating. I love cooking, and I’m a bit of a show-off, and there’s no better showcase than Thanksgiving. It’s really great to casually say, “Oh yeah, I made both of these plates of fancy dinner rolls”, like it’s a thing you do all the time.
Dylan: This, to me, is the greatest holiday in the American canon, controversial origins aside. It has the highest OPR of any Everything Draft prospect thus far, including our previous Best Picture Oscar Winner draft. Advocating for this Meal of Many Starches is a statement selection coming out of the gate.
Will: Top Thanksgiving dish?
Dylan: I am personally a champion of stuffing, with candied yams as my sleeper pick.
Will: Stuffing is king. I’m also partial to gravy.
Dylan: Just straight-up gravy? I had no idea who I was up against.

2. INDEPENDENCE DAY. 35.2 OPR.
Dylan: 
Fireworks. Grilling. A family softball game. Pontoon partying. Independence Day arrives as Summer is at the peak of its powers. Plus, American holidays as we know them would be vastly different if this one hadn’t occurred. Regardless of one’s partisanship over Thanksgiving v. Christmas, we can all stand together behind this one. ‘MERRRICA!
Will: No need to sell it to me– I adore the Fourth of July. I think that fireworks are one of the happiest things in the world: a big free show based around the very sound premise that people like explosions and bright lights. Also, there’s usually a Twilight Zone marathon on. Great pick!

3. CHRISTMAS. 39.0 OPR.
Will: I was hoping you’d be mad enough to let it drop, but I didn’t really expect you to. Glad to see the War on Christmas hasn’t managed to completely destroy its draft value.
Dylan: As an open Thanksgiving fanatic, Christmas feels rather nice at 3. Michael Jordan was the third pick in the 1984 NBA Draft, and Christmas is arguably the Michael Jordan of the Holiday Draft. The combination of Jesus + Santa is just too powerful to deny beyond this point.

4. HALLOWEEN. 32.9 OPR.
Will: I’m taking two greedy handfuls of this holiday, even though the sign on the door asks me to only take one. I live in a neighborhood that’s full of children, and there’s nothing better than watching a few thousand kids maraud around in silly costumes. I wish it happened four times a year.
Dylan: This is the clear-cut pick at 4. The pageantry, the general spookiness. Plus, it dominates the month of October. Any top costume nominees from recent memory?
Will: There was a five-year-old boy in my neighborhood who dressed up as Carl Sagan, complete with a mop wig and a laserdisc of Cosmos.
Dylan: It’s probably a fair time to mention to our readers that you live in Park Slope.
Will: Yes. Yes I do.

5. MEMORIAL DAY. 30.5 OPR.
Will: Slightly off-beat pick, but it feeds nicely into my strategy of seeking out the most pleasant holidays, wherever possible. Memorial Day is the official kickoff of summer, and it’s a perfect holiday in that it doesn’t demand anything of you besides hanging out with people, drinking a little and maybe grilling if you feel like it. Plus, I’m all for remembering the fallen; if I can do that by shotgunning a Miller High Life at a rooftop barbecue, it’s a win-win.
Dylan: I admire the culture that you’re building over there at #TeamChaos. Memorial Day is basically Independence Day with a lesser emphasis on fireworks.

6. ST. PATRICK’S DAY. 25.7 OPR.
Dylan: I’m not about that green beer nonsense, but a Guinness in the afternoon as a fiddle plays is a time I look forward to all year. St. Patrick is basically the Indiana Jones / Kim & Kanye of all the saints: he HATES snakes. Also, corned beef rules.
Will: Oh, lord. I would have let this drop all the way to the bottom of the draft. And I’m here to tell you, you can have a Guinness in the afternoon any time you want.
Dylan: You just blew my mind.

7. EASTER.
 29.7 OPR.
Dylan: The bonnets? The pastels? The Judy Garland soundtrack bumping over brunch!?
Will: I can taste the Cadbury now. It’s not one that I would have jumped on, but this gives you a 1-2 punch of top tier Christian holidays, and that’s nothing to sneeze at.

8. LABOR DAY. 28.1 OPR.
Will: I’m doubling down on my summer bookends, and grabbing the slightly melancholy, vaguely fancy, and extremely drunk Labor Day. I’ve now completely encircled summer, which means that if we were playing Go, I would get to steal Independence Day from you.
Dylan: These mind-game-slash-board-game tactics will serve you well later, I’m sure. Despite the impending autumnal doom latent in Labor Day, this is a spectacular complement to what you have going.


ROUNDS 3-5

9. SHROVE (FAT) TUESDAY. 11.3 OPR.
Will:
This party’s about to get a little more intense! I realize I’m reaching all the way down the draft board here, but it’s a unique holiday, and I’d’ve been sorry to let it go.
Dylan: There’s nothing more fun than doing all the horrible things while lying to yourself that you’re not going to do any of them for the next 40 days. #RespectTheReach.
Will: I like it because it means totally different things all over the world: daiquiris and king cake in New Orleans, dancing costumed people on stilts in Rio, and a two-day, town-wide football match in a tiny village in England. It’s a party before the darkness descends, and that is so thoroughly human that I think #TeamHumanity should be embarrassed to see it snatched away.
Dylan:
Your team is looking pretty fun at the moment, but a fun parent does not always the best parent make, which is why I am countering with…

10. FATHER’S DAY. 27.0 OPR. 
11. MOTHER’S DAY. 25.8 OPR.
Dylan: Because hey, moms and dads, am I right? 
Will:
I simply can’t argue with that. As both a father, and the husband of a mother, I can’t believe I let both of those get away.

12. CHRISTMAS EVE.
 27.4 OPR.
Will: Grabbing a marquee holiday that I think dropped a little too far.
Dylan: I should have closed the manger circuit while I had the chance.

Will: And now I’m going to get weird here, and grab… 

13.
 NEW YEAR’S DAY. 27.8 OPR.
Will:
Here’s a holiday that I think offers a lot more than New Year’s Eve. It’s the whole world sitting around hungover, and eating waffles and poached eggs. And I think that’s a good thing.
Dylan: We obviously do not endure the same hangovers.
Will: Let it be known that I regretted this choice as soon as I made it.

14. NEW YEAR’S EVE. 32.1 OPR.
Dylan: To foil your last selection, I’m picking up the last remaining holiday that boasts a 30+ Overall Prospect Rating, and doubles as the greatest excuse to pop bottles and kiss just because you stayed up kinda late.
Will: Feel good with #TeamHumanity, feel TERRIBLE with #TeamChaos the next morning. I can’t believe I took New Year’s Day over this. What a bizarre decision!
Dylan: I understand reservations are difficult to come by, and the traffic is sometimes terrible, but the sozzled false hope associated with this evening gives it the decisive edge over the dehydrated reality of January 1st.
Will: I will say that New Year’s Eve is Top-2 most reliably disappointing holidays, which is why I slid around it.

15. CINCO DE MAYO. 13.0 OPR.
Dylan:
Reaching deep into my pockets to get some sort of fun started over here on #TeamHumanity.
Will: You have now nearly cornered the market on Big Loud Party Holidays, with Mardi Gras and Halloween being the notable exceptions.
Dylan: The Battle of Puebla is very close to my heart. 
Will:
As is, I assume, a pitcher of watery margaritas.
Dylan: As it is the only water I drink on Cinco de Mayo, I’m very thankful for it.

16. CHINESE NEW YEAR. 21.3 OPR.
Dylan:
Is this a holiday you celebrate?
Will:
It is not! But the Chinese Zodiac is an unparalleled delight, and Chinese dragons are the best kind of dragon.
Dylan:
No further questions.

17. HANNUKAH. 20.5 OPR.
Will:
Backing up my last pick with another of the happiest, least-demanding holidays still on the board. 
Dylan:
A savvy pickup this late, and another dampening of my Christmas pick.
Will: 
Gotta contain Christmas.

18. WOMEN’S DAY. 14.0 OPR.
Will:
Ah, I see. At #TeamChaos, we consider every day to be Women’s Day.
Dylan: I mean, I consider every day to be Valentine’s Day, but ignoring the day’s existence because of that philosophy doesn’t always bode well for me.

19. MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY. 13.4 OPR.
Will:
Blast! My next pick!
Dylan: Cornering the market on holidays commemorating guys killed in their thirties for being disruptively promotional of an elevated common good.
Will: I still haven’t gotten over the tragic death of Independence Day’s namesake, Johnny Independence.

20.
VETERAN’S DAY. 22.9 OPR.
Will: One of the most solemn holidays remaining, and one I’ve had my eye on all night.
Dylan: You OWN November.
Will: I really don’t think people spend enough time thinking about World War I, so I’ll quickly remind the world that because the armistice was fixed at the symbolic eleventh minute of the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, lots of people died that morning because their commanding officers wanted to burn off ammunition while the war was still raging.
Dylan: Wow. That is, like, the most horrible example of stat padding. Russell Westbrook, you’re off the hook!


ROUNDS 6-8

21. MLB OPENING DAY. 10.3 OPR.
Will: The most important holiday of all! This was right near the bottom of the board, but I’d have been sick if you took it, and I’ve been sick enough this year.
Dylan: This pick will forever be tied up in arbitration, so I’m not worried about it.

22. VALENTINE’S DAY. 25.3 OPR. 
23. EARTH DAY. 21.0 OPR.
Dylan: I’ll stoop for ‘Love’ and ‘The Planet’ in the sixth round.
Will: Blech” to the first and “very nice” to the second.
Dylan: I feel lucky to have had some nice Valentine’s Days. I’m leaning in and buying low.

24. BOXING DAY. 15.3 OPR.
25. FESTIVUS. 14.8 OPR.
Will:
In the interest of the continued boxing in of Christmas, I’m grabbing the two lowest-stakes December holidays.
Dylan: Christmas will not be contained!
Will: I’ve always found it kind of stupid the way people act like Festivus is a real thing, but I love Seinfeld, and that’s good enough for the 25th pick.

26.
 GROUNDHOG DAY. 17.0 OPR.
Will:
It’s getting weird here! 
Dylan:
If we’re now drafting holidays based on their affiliated comedies, I’m selecting my half-birthday, here and now.
Will: The movie aside, I hate Groundhog Day. It’s a holiday with rules that make no sense, which makes it antithetical to my strategy. 
Dylan:
Having grown up Catholic, I’ve always gotten a kick out of rules that make no sense.
Will: That is a sterling piece of self-examination.

27. SUPER BOWL SUNDAY. 10.3 OPR.
Dylan: #TeamHumanity prefers holidays that celebrate the conclusion of something, rather than a daunting new beginning. Plus, it’s a day that celebrates gratuitous eating and football — which helps aid my missing out on Thanksgiving. This doubles as Puppy Bowl Sunday, yeah?

28. ROSH HASHANAH. 16.0 OPR.

29. YOM KIPPUR.
 10.3 OPR.
Will:
I’ve always thought Yom Kippur was a beautiful holiday, and it’s a form of atonement that is 40x more effective than Lent.
Dylan: While that stat is completely accurate, I don’t actively seek holidays centered around dedicated fasting.
Will: Rosh Hashanah, on the other hand, now gives me New Year’s Day, the Jewish New Year, and the Chinese New Year.
Dylan: This is troubling. Though it does leave my favorite Jewish holiday available…

30.
 PURIM. 12.4 OPR.
Dylan:
Going all in on Purim. Whoever said this was a ‘lesser’ Jewish holiday is… probably right, but it has to be the most fun. This is a happy-ass holiday, and in the face of some super-high life-and-death stakes for the Jewish people! It also helps soothe the absence of Halloween by getting my costume count up. And, to make up for losing out on Hanukkah, I’m taking my own Festival of Lights celebration…

31
DIWALI. 18.5 OPR.
Will:
Ack! I was about to grab that. Very nice. Okay, I’ve gotta take a different tack here: You’ve got Earth Day, which means I have to take…

32. ARBOR DAY. 17.1 OPR
Will: What could be more #TeamChaos than chilling out and planting a tree?


ROUNDS 9-11

33. MAY DAY. 13.0 OPR.
Will: Kicking off Round 9 with everyone’s favorite socialist holiday.
Dylan: May Day is a holiday that is literally a cry for help. 

34. GOOD FRIDAY15.9 OPR.
Will:
Based on everything I’ve learned from The Long Good Friday, this is a dangerous holiday indeed.

35. DERBY DAY. 9.0 OPR.
Dylan: Doubling down on bonnet-centric holidays here. Those 2 minutes of racing are more exciting than most of the remaining prospects on the board.

36. CANADA DAY. 17.2 OPR. 
37. KWANZAA. 13.3 OPR.
Will:
Canada Day makes up for the loss of July 4th…
Dylan:
Um?
Will:
…and Kwanzaa is another lovely holiday.

38. PATRIOT’S DAY. 10.0 OPR.

39. LEAP DAY. 11.6 OPR.
Dylan:
Patriot’s Day is a beautiful day in Boston; as a current resident of the city I am honored to pick it up. With regards to Leap Day: any holiday that makes you wait four years to celebrate it stands as another shining example of a holiday with awesome rules that make no sense.

40. ASH WEDNESDAY. 9.3 OPR.
Will:
My wife has put in a strong request for this. 
Dylan: Always a nice reminder that YOU ARE DUST, AND TO DUST YOU SHALL RETURN. Really puts me in the mood to eat fish sandwiches for a month and a half.

41. PASSOVER. 13.0 OPR.
Will:
I appreciate Passover’s branding, since it includes telling a story about itself as part of the official calendar. 
Dylan:
In first grade, a classmate of mine made an off-putting remark involving my last name being Lamb and spreading my blood on a door to save the class and, coincidentally, Passover has never really been my thing.

42. APRIL FOOL’S DAY. 8.5 OPR. 
43. OPPOSITE DAY. 13.0 OPR.
Dylan:
Hoping most people peruse this draft on one of these two holidays, then get confused on how to vote while still staying true to the holiday, and vote for #TeamHumanity out of bewilderment.

MR. IRRELEVANT: 
44. ALL SAINT’S DAY. 11.1 OPR.
Will: Halloween’s sourpuss big brother!
Dylan:
You ran the table on ‘holidays involving hangovers from better holidays’.
Will: By and large, I’m very happy with this team. Arbor Day! Yeah! 

UNDRAFTEDS:
XX. PRESIDENTS’ DAY. 13.9 OPR.
XX. COLUMBUS DAY. 6.5 OPR.


Draft Duration: 1 hour, 32 minutes.
About as long as you should stay at any particular establishment for an effective holiday pub crawl. 



BY THE METRICS.
AVERAGE TOP TENS RANKING: #TeamHumanity (4.3) < #TeamChaos (4.4)
AVERAGE 538 TOP FIVE SCORE: #TeamHumanity (1.3) > #TeamChaos (1.1)
AVERAGE MONTHLY POWER RANKING: #TeamHumanity (6.8) > #TeamChaos (5.9)
AVERAGE INTANGIBLES RATING: #TeamHumanity (7.0) < #TeamChaos (7.4)
AVERAGE PROSPECT RATING: #TeamHumanity (19.4) > #TeamChaos (19.2)



CONCLUSION.

The final, ever-evolving rosters for Team Humanity and Team Chaos can be found here.
Who leaves victorious? That choice is yours.

Please cast your vote below. You might as well: you’ve already made it to the bottom of this very long list.


Enjoy the holiday weekend, and instead of drinking a green beer, maybe check out what’s Next on Draft.

Best Picture Winners (Draft 1)

In tribute to this weekend’s Oscar ceremony, we are drafting all of the previous Best Picture Winners, based on statistical factors that we believe assist in quantifying their subjective values. Why are we doing this, you ask? In short: we like drafting. We really, really like drafting.



DRAFT METRICS.

Prior to each draft, four categories are chosen for statistical evaluation of each prospect:

1. RECEPTION.How well each film was critically received.
Metric:  (Rotten Tomatoes Percentage / 10)
2. HARDWARE. Total Oscars Awarded, in addition to Best Picture.
Metric: (1 Oscar = 1)
3. LEGACY. Oscar winners that went on to become the films we most treasure.
Metric: (100 – AFI Top 100 Rank / 10)
4. INTANGIBLES. As this process is still inherently subjective, we allow each GM to score each prospect, from 1 to 5, by whatever unfounded opinions they have formed.
Metric: (GM1 Score + GM2 Score)

The combined score from these four categories equals a Draftee’s Overall Prospect Rating (OPR), which will allow GMs to compare draftees over several dissimilar categories throughout the course of time. 



YOUR GMs.

Each draft is conducted between two teams, Team Humanity and Team Chaos.

DRAFTING ON BEHALF OF HUMANITY:
Dylan Lamb
, Founder of The Everything Draft.
Send him your thoughts.

DRAFTING ON BEHALF OF CHAOS:
Blake Lowell, Resident Nemesis.
Follow him on Instagram.


THE DRAFT.
The Best Picture Oscar Winner Draft will be performed in a classic serpentine style, with a 1-221 structure for every round. At the time of Drafting, Dylan had seen 64 Best Picture winners, narrowly topping Blake’s 63. From this, he received the draft’s first pick.


ROUNDS 1-3

1. THE GODFATHER. 32.6 OPR.
Dylan:
Any movie I prefer over The Godfather is admittedly irrational. It’s the GOAT. 
Blake: It’s hard to argue with this pick. Love a good Sterling Hayden flick. 
Dylan: Readers, the tactic Blake uses above is known as ‘Ving Rhames-ing‘ a movie, name-dropping a picture’s seventh-billed actor in attempts to lessen its significance while also floating some trivial knowledge. This started when Blake referred to Pulp Fiction as ‘That Ving Rhames movie’. You’ll grow immune to it just as I have.

2. ALL ABOUT EVE. 33.2 OPR.
Blake: 
I think it’s the single greatest film that ever won Best Picture. Certainly the greatest screenplay. The Godfather is amazing, but All About Eve is everyone at the absolute peak of their powers. 
Dylan: This is an excellent movie. Its metrics are off the charts. You might have been able to trade down for it, but the bottom line is that anyone would want this on their roster.

3. THE APARTMENT. 26.3 OPR.
Blake:
I was concerned it wouldn’t make it back to me and I needed to have it.
Dylan: It scored a perfect Intangible rating from us both. Third though? 
Blake: I would gladly give my third pick and my life for Shirley MacLaine.

4. CASABLANCA. 32.4 OPR.
Dylan:
My counter-argument in the ‘greatest screenplay’ debate. 
Blake: Yeah, that’s a phenomenal pick. Peak Peter Lorre. 
Dylan: Rhames-ing my top two picks? Salty!

5. THE GODFATHER, PART II. 31.5 OPR.
Dylan:
Double the Oscars of the original. A sequel and a prequel. Bringing it aboard to silence the contrarians who prefer it. #TrustTheSaga
Blake: Didn’t realize that I was drafting against everyone’s dad. 
Dylan: Literally everyone’s dad will agree with those first three picks. 
Blake: Your list reads like a Best Movies thread on a golf forum.

6. ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST. 31.2 OPR.
Dylan:
Nicholson v. Fletcher is a heavyweight title fight. 
Blake:
Great lead performances. Impossibly deep bench.

7. MOONLIGHT.
 22.8 OPR.
Blake: There is nothing else like it in the pool of remaining movies. I’m happy to potentially overpay a little to get this on my roster.
Dylan: It definitely gets points for most dramatic Best Picture win.

8.TITANIC. 27.5 OPR.
Dylan:
Titanic is one of only two Best Picture winners on the 100 highest grossing movies of all time, and it’s Number 2. Oh, plus eleven Oscars.
Blake:  Defend this pick. Is it just advanced metrics looking to rack up big points?
Dylan:  Jason Witta and I rented this double-VHS in fifth grade and watched it in the guest house of his cabin and we both cried and promised not to tell anyone (sorry Jason, but thanks for the assist). How can a movie evoke that type of emotion and be the sexual awakening of 70% of women and 40% of men my age?
Blake:  Solid point there.

9. THE STING. 26.3 OPR.
Blake:
First Billy Zane, now Newman and Redford? You’re taking all my guys!
Dylan: Admittedly this is a draft-and-stash pick for future trade negotiations. In the meantime, I’ll give another listen to that Joplin soundtrack. 
Blake: Great film, I love it with all my heart. But it wasn’t on my radar for another two rounds.

10. REBECCA. 22.0 OPR. 
11. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. 23.3 OPR.
Blake:
Happy to score the only Hitchcock and the only Coen in one fell swoop. Auteurs, #TeamChaosis here for you!

12. THE DEPARTED.
 23.1 OPR.
Dylan: Doubling up on Leo while scratching my Nicholson itch.   
Blake:
Of course I brag about my directors and you take the only Scorsese. 


ROUNDS 4-8

13.THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. 25.1 OPR.
Dylan:
Nabbing a fellow winner of all “Big 5” Oscars to guard Cuckoo’s Nest. 
Blake: Film bros love Demme. I think it’s good-not-great. And Tony Hopkins should have been slotted in supporting.
Dylan: Whichever Oscar you want him to win is fine by me, but it’s one of the most memorable performances of all time and he does it playing Tyus Jones minutes. 

14.ON THE WATERFRONT. 32.9 OPR.
Blake:
Zero respect for snitches but total respect for Brando in Buffalo plaid. 
Dylan: This is probably the only prospect in history who told a GM straight-up that he’s a bum and they still drafted him. 

15. WEST SIDE STORY. 32.3 OPR.
Dylan:
Krup! I let this fall too far. Definitely the top musical on the board. 
Blake:
Thrilled to have it drop into my lap. Worth it for Rita Moreno alone. 

16. GONE WITH THE WIND. 33.7 OPR.
Dylan:
 This movie is a metrics MONSTER, with the highest Overall Prospect Rating on the entire board. At sixteen?!
Blake: Feel free to take it as a cultural artifact but it’s a long, bad movie.
Dylan: Frankly, my dude… 

17. LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. 32.1 OPR.
Blake:
Of the overly long epics that made a sh*t ton of money, this one is a much better pick for you.
Dylan: O’Toole’s baby blues are contained by no metric. Shout out to my uncle Chris for fast-forwarding through the entire desert on my first viewing, telling me I ‘get the idea’.

18. THE FRENCH CONNECTION. 29.8 OPR.
19. 12 YEARS A SLAVE. 22.6 OPR.
Dylan:
Steve McQueen > Steve McQueen. That statement can be as controversial as you want to make it. 

20. SCHINDLER’S LIST. 31.1 OPR.
Blake: Schindler’s List is a golf forum pick for sure.
Dylan: Glad to take the only Spielberg on this list. His other movie that year? Jurassic Park. That’s gotta be the greatest multiple-film year for any director, ever. 

21. MIDNIGHT COWBOY. 26.7 OPR.
Dylan:
Pouring a little Waldo Salt on this wound. 
Blake:
This one stings. The pick, not the pun. 

22. IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT. 28.2 OPR. 
23. ROCKY. 24.6 OPR.
Dylan:
Did you pick this to remind yourself after this draft that winning isn’t everything?
Blake:  HOW DARE YOU. It Happened One Night is arguably the greatest rom-com of all time, and Rocky is arguably the greatest sports movie of all time. I’m happy. 

24. AMADEUS. 26.5 OPR.
Dylan:
This is “arguably the greatest classical music rivalry movie” of all time, and a great allegory for our friendship. 
Blake: Amadeus is a great film and I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives arguing over who is the Mozart and who is the Salieri.  

25. IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT. 25.1 OPR.
26. ANNIE HALL. 26.2 OPR.
Blake: Separating the artist from the art has become even more prickly with the Weinstein revelations and the growing momentum behind the #MeToo movement. That being said, filmmaking is a collaborative process and I couldn’t let Diane Keaton’s performance fall any further.
Dylan: … But like, does he really need the eggs?

27. UNFORGIVEN. 22.8 OPR.
Dylan:
You’re destroying me in the Gene Hackman game right now. My dad’s going to be upset I didn’t get Unforgiven, but I hope he’s somewhat consoled by BOTH Godfathers

28. LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING. 23.4 OPR.
Blake:
Don’t tell #TheNerds, but I’m out on all Hobbit-related content. 
Dylan: Nerds, #TeamHumanity is here for you. LOTR:ROTK is the only other Best Picture winner to currently appear on the Top 100 all-time grossing movies, and it also took home 11 Oscars from the ceremony, tying it with Titanic and…

29. BEN-HUR.
 27.6 OPR.
Dylan:
… this guy. Locking up all three 11-time winners is like having a trio of Bill Russells on your squad.
Blake: I saw Ben-Hur at the Hollywood Theater when I was in middle school with one of my best friends and it was an ideal moviegoing experience. That being said, it’s like five hours long and I have a hard time imagining you ever sitting down to watch it again without it being some sort of punishment, or bet, or dare.

30.AN AMERICAN IN PARIS. 22.5 OPR.
Dylan: I get you couldn’t pick Singin’ In The Rain instead, but why didn’t the Academy?
Blake: Wizard of Oz and Singin’ In The Rain are still the two biggest snubs for me. 
Dylan: What about Annie Hall over Star Wars?
Blake: Annie Hall is still better. Sorry, Nerds! 
Dylan: Wow, #TheNerds are really taking heat from you today. 
Blake: You can have ’em.

31.GLADIATOR. 20.6 OPR.
Dylan:
I was thinking about drafting this movie. But not yet. Not yet. 

32. THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI. 29.8 OPR.
Blake:
You are REALLY leaning into these dad vibes. 
Dylan:
This is pure value, which I understand sounds like something a dad would say.
Blake: I’m not here for your metrics. The public will vindicate my roster.
Dylan: Not so sure about that. You know who reads movie blogs? #Nerds do.
Blake: Great point. #Nerds, I’d just like to say… STAR WARS AND LOTR STILL SUCK, THE FAST & THE FURIOUS IS A BETTER FRANCHISE IN EVERY WAY.
Dylan: Well, you tried.


ROUNDS 9-14


33. PATTON.
 23.5 OPR.
Dylan: Cornering the ‘refused-Oscar’ market with this pick. I’m also going to bring this dad thing up with my therapist.
Blake: Report back with what they say, I’m super curious!

34.LOST WEEKEND. 20.0 OPR. 
35. THE HURT LOCKER. 21.7 OPR.
Blake:
While I wish Bigelow had won for Point Break, the first 20 minutes of Hurt Locker totally own.
Dylan: The Hurt Locker is a 2 hour and 11 minute film.

36. MY FAIR LADY. 25.6 OPR. 
37. TERMS OF ENDEARMENT. 20.8 OPR. 
38. THE SOUND OF MUSIC. 25.6 OPR.
Dylan:
For being such a cynic, you seem to really champion “woefully optimistic people spinning around in public places” as your musical subgenre.
Blake: How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?” That song still KNOCKS.

39. THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES. 22.6 OPR. 
40. CHICAGO. 20.6 OPR. 
Blake: 
Chicago is good. Solid pick this late for John C. Reilly’s “Cellophane” alone.
Dylan: Ironically, this might be my dad’s favorite movie in this draft. 

41. FORREST GUMP. 20.5 OPR.
Blake:
Woof. Would have gone undrafted on my end.
Dylan:
You make me cry that consistently, there’s a spot on this roster for you.

42. ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT. 19.0 OPR. 
43. HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY. 19.0 OPR.
Dylan: Isn’t this the boring movie about a Welsh farmer that beat Citizen Kane? 
Blake:John Ford, baby! Welcome to the auteur club, grab a cigar.

44. SUNRISE. 22.6 OPR.
Dylan:
Only recipient ever of the “Best Picture – Unique and Artistic Vision” Award. I’d like to challenge Wings to a 1-on-1 screening to determine who’s the real top dog of 1927.

45. THE DEER HUNTER. 24.1 OPR. 
46. MARTY. 20.0 OPR.
Blake:
Borgnine’s incredible. Script by Paddy Chayevsky. I was blown away by this.
Dylan:
I consider Marty to be the Mendoza Line of this draft.

47. BIRDMAN, OR: (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE). 18.1 OPR. 
48. ORDINARY PEOPLE. 19.0 OPR.
Blake:
Ordinary People <<< Ordinary People the John Legend song.
Dylan: Remember Timothy Hutton before TNT devoured him? He and MTM owned this movie. It was also Donald Sutherland’s best shot at Oscar, but some movie named Raging Bull came out that year as well I guess?

49. SPOTLIGHT. 17.7 OPR.
Blake: 
Spotlight is the quintessential plane movie. It deserves to be seen on a five-inch screen.
Dylan: My marketing team is slicing that solid burn to read “It deserves to be seen!” with your name next to it.   

50. SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE.
 23.2 OPR. 
51.AMERICAN BEAUTY. 20.8 OPR.
Dylan:
Going Spacey & Weinstein in back-to-back picks is rather brazen.
Blake: If you don’t think I’m getting into the Annette Bening and Geoffrey Rush business this late then you don’t know #TeamChaos at all.

52. RAIN MAN. 18.9 OPR. 
53. GIGI. 22.7 OPR. 
54. GRAND HOTEL. 15.6 OPR. 
55. ALL THE KING’S MEN. 18.7 OPR. 
56. YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU. 17.1 OPR. 
Dylan:
This is my consolation for not being able to pick It’s A Wonderful Life.
Blake:
You are a whore for Capra. 


ROUNDS 15-20


57. OLIVER! 19.1 OPR.
Blake:
Wow. 
Dylan: I had to get my Oliver Reed score up after you snatched Gladiator. Also, Ron Moody’s Fagin could torch anyone in these later rounds. 

58. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY. 24.2 OPR.
59. THE ENGLISH PATIENT. 22.4 OPR.
Blake:
My mom says The English Patient rules and she’s rarely steered me wrong.
Dylan: My mom would agree. But I just remember Ralph Fiennes in bed a lot? 
Blake: Oooh! 
Dylan: No, but like, ill. 
Blake: Oh. 

60. KRAMER VS. KRAMER. 19.8 OPR. 
61. GOING MY WAY. 20.8 OPR.
Blake:
You can have all the Streep you want, but losing the only Bing winner hurts.
Dylan: You’re anti-nerd, and anti-Streep? Exactly which market are you cornering?
Blake: Hm. You should probably delete that Streep comment. Streets ain’t safe for Streep-indifferent folks like me! Devil Wears Prada is her best film, tho.
Dylan: This sounds like a different draft entirely. 

62. GENTLEMAN’S AGREEMENT. 16.8 OPR.
Blake:
The journalism movie Spotlight wishes it was. What seems like a movie about a guy having an affair turns out to be one where Gregory Peck investigates anti-Semitism.
Dylan: Oh yeah, that’s the Gregory Peck we all remember: good ol’ Gregory Peck the journalist. 

63. PLATOON. 18.2 OPR. 
64. CHARIOTS OF FIRE. 18.3 OPR. 
65. TOM JONES18.3 OPR. 
66. THE LAST EMPEROR. 25.2 OPR.
Blake:
Since I’m stockpiling great directors I’ll bring Bertolucci into the fold.
Dylan: Problematic auteurs at value prices IS #TeamChaos. Mel is still available btw.

67. OUT OF AFRICA. 17.7 OPR.
Blake:
How could I pass up on my FAVORITE ACTRESS Meryl Streep this late?
Dylan: This is a nice redemption tour for you. 
Blake:
My mom would have disowned me if I didn’t pick this up.

68. MILLION DOLLAR BABY. 18.1 OPR. 
69. HAMLET. 18.1 OPR.
70. MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY.
 16.4 OPR. 
71.SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. 22.2 OPR.
Blake: Jai-Ho!
Dylan: Jai-Ho-verrated. 

72. GANDHI. 22.7 OPR.
73. THE KING’S SPEECH. 18.5 OPR.
Dylan:
Taking this opportunity to launch the new hashtag campaign #FIRTHSTY.
Blake: That hashtag is… a lot.
Dylan: Nerds, grab your #FIRTHSTY merch in The Everything Draft Store, today!

74. THE GREAT ZIEGFELD. 15.5 OPR.
75. CRASH. 15.5 OPR.
76. DANCES WITH WOLVES. 18.3 OPR.
77. AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS. 18.4 OPR.
Blake:
This is your worst round yet, and you’re the guy who took Titanic over No Country and Rebecca.
Dylan: DAMN MY NEWLY-VOICED ADMIRATION FOR KEVIN COSTNER!

78. ARGO. 16.6 OPR.
79. WINGS. 17.5 OPR.
Dylan:
I resent you taking Argo over Wings, even if it’s arbitrary. 

80. A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS.
 20.2 OPR.


ROUNDS 21-22

81.DRIVING MISS DAISY. 16.4 OPR.
Dylan:
I’m now up 2 Morgan Freeman movies to 1. Shout out to The Piggly Wiggly. 
Blake:
Nope. Trash film. #JusticeForDoTheRightThing. I need a shorter hashtag. 
Dylan: There has to be one DMD fan out there that’ll tip the scales though. Maybe?
Blake: I mean, everybody has one kinda racist aunt. 

82. THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH. 12.4 OPR.
83. MRS. MINIVER.
 20.2 OPR.
Dylan: I just fell asleep during the title of Mrs. Miniver.

84.THE ARTIST. 18.6 OPR.
Blake:
The Artist is trash, btw.
Dylan: Anyone who likes the show Fraiser as much as you do should at least give props to that dog.

85. THE LIFE OF EMILE ZOLA. 16.5 OPR. 
86. CAVALCADE. 15.1 OPR.
87. CIMARRON. 14.3 OPR.
Dylan:
Way to grow a conscience on the very last pick and avoid adding Braveheart to your problematic auteur menagerie.
Blake: That was an endurance test. The white wine helped on my end.

MR. IRRELEVANT: 
88. A BEAUTIFUL MIND. 14.5 OPR. 

UNDRAFTEDS:
XX. BRAVEHEART. 16.7 OPR.
XX. BROADWAY MELODY. 10.5 OPR.


Draft Duration:3 hours, 24 minutes.
Basically the length of your average Best Picture Winner. 



BY THE METRICS.
AVERAGE AFI SCORE: #TeamHumanity (1.7) > #TeamChaos (1.4)
TOTAL OSCARS WON: #TeamHumanity (243) > #TeamChaos (205)
AVERAGE ROTTEN TOMATOES: #TeamHumanity (89%) =#TeamChaos (89%)
AVERAGE INTANGIBLES RATING: #TeamHumanity (6.4) < #TeamChaos (6.8)
AVERAGE PROSPECT RATING: #TeamHumanity (25.2) > #TeamChaos (21.7)



CONCLUSION.

The final, ever-evolving rosters for Team Humanity and Team Chaos can be found here.
Who leaves victorious? That choice is yours.

Please cast your vote below. You might as well: you’ve already made it to the bottom of this very long list.


Enjoy the Academy Awards, and check out what’s Next on Draft.